A Prayer from the Socially Disabled

Dear First Date,

You are meeting me now
But you are not really meeting me
You are meeting a version of myself
That I don't show the world on a regular basis

I ask that you be kind
Forgiving
And compassionate
As this is not my natural state

Since I don't do this often
I ask that overlook my fidgets and hair tosses
Nose twitches and stuttering
And don't push me to talk to much about myself

I ask that all conversation be planned in advance
And if something should arise that is controversial
I ask that it is you who avert the conversation quickly
But also gracefully

I ask that you make no comment on the
No doubt hideous skirt that I have chosen to wear
(I looked at it countless time in the mirror before)
It was fine in the privacy of my bathroom

In return for these kindnesses
I will vow to
Return the favor
I won't say anything embarrassing at will or talk about what I ate

I won't ramble on and on about how I hate myself
Even though it's on auto play in my head
I won't comment on how I think your shirt doesn't match your jeans
Or how I think your jeans are not appropriate for this restaurant

I won't say what I'm really thinking
(Get me out of here)
And I won't pull out my crocheting
(Which is what I really want to do to ease my nerves.)

I will be a listening ear
And a shoulder to cry on
And I won't say that I think you are pussy
If you cry on a first date.

I won't be any harder on you than I am on myself.
And I won't ask about your family
Your income
Or your political or religious affiliations.

I will sit calmly (with knees jittery from too much caffeine)
And wait for this
Entire
Horrific experience
To be over

So you can NOT call
Tomorrow.

Thank you for playing this game.

Sincerely,

ME