An Ode to Winter

Courtesy of Kathryn S. (thank you facebook)

cough cough sneeze sniff sniff
slurp swallow sigh rub eyes
I hate being sick





I just couldn't resist. It was too good not to post here. ;-P

Why?

Why does it feel like
I am climbing uphill
With lead weights attached to my ankles?

Why does it taste like
There are staples in my mouth
That won't go down?

Why does it smell like
The dog needs a bath
And I am too lazy to give it to him?

Why does it look like
The clouds will
Never go away?

Why does it sound like
A typical Monday morning
On I-285?

Why can't I stop dragging my finger nails against the chalk board?
Because the chalk board has been replaced
With the smart board
And I have yet
To get the message.

New Month, New Theme: And You Thought Yours Were Bad

That's right folks, get your awkward on, as Maki likes to say. This month is all about the FIRST DATE. Whether you thought yours have been funny, clingy, desperate, heart-breaking, or just downright outrageous, everyone has a first date story (true or exaggerated, but exaggerated are probably better) hidden deep inside themselves waiting to get out. I've included a little trailer from my favorite awkward date movie courtesy of YouTube. Enjoy, and happy writing!

New month, new theme

This month, bring out the big guns: CHILDHOOD MEMORIES.

It doesn't matter if yours were good or bad, and the more embarrassing the better. We always say our childhood is the best fuel for our writing, so bring it kiddos. We want to hear about your childhood, in poetry form. Just do it.

Summer

They say that this is summer
That summer is full of change
I don't think that's true
Summer is just strange

Be it June, July, or August
Muggy, hot, or dry
I believe that summer
Is just a time to cry

I don't really think so
But rhyming is quite hard
Cry is the only thing I could think of
That fits into this little yard

This isn't making any sense
So I will leave you now
I can blame it on Korea
And the newness that is approaching me. WOW!!!

Another bad "Justice Is" Poem, because I am perpetually in fifth grade

Justice is being with
Who you want
When you want
Without having to question
What you are doing
When it happens or when the next step
Will take place or
Why you are with that person.

It's Not Fair

It's not fair
I have lived a charmed life
While the world crumbles

It's not fair
The country of Iceland is under clouds
While I haven't ever seen a volcano

It's not fair
That Judy Blume can be brilliant
And I can't pen this poem

Just sayin': Haiku

Old coffee tastes bad
Like water through an old sock
Can I make fresh pot?

Reality: A Haiku

Be yourself always
Never give up dreaming big
But you have to pay bills

Not a Haiku, but still a poem

And themes were only meant to be guidelines, right? So here goes.

A GUIDE TO LIFE ACCORDING TO ME
(An Alphabet Poem)

A raise of a glass, a turn of a head
Be the best you can be as you roll out of bed
Create the world you want for yourself and others
Don't be afraid to hide under the covers
Exaggerate the truth, but only sometimes
Forget the past; to yesterday there are no rhymes
Google your boss but only when desperate
Hurry home for comfort and you will find it quite pleasant
I believe there is no cure for homesickness
Just put in a tape and you'll be all set-ness.
Kindness
Love, peace, and forgiveness to friends
Money is nice but is not a means to an end
Never say no to an opportunity for fun
Open your home to any girl on the run
Pay no attention to gossip or greed
Quick! Run to hide that prisoner you freed
Rest when you need to
Stand still now and then
Take time for yourself
Use all products on the top shelf
Veal is never an answer
When wondering what to cook for dinner
Xenophobia is never smart
Your head is never wiser than your heart
Zeal for life is worth more than a fart.

I've resolved to have fun with life

No more judging
Or complaining

No more criticizing
Or doubting

I will paint more
And let the colors fly
My words will be more than just
Words

They will splashes of meaning
Across a canvas

They will let my true feelings
Emerge

Feelings no longer have a hiding place
Regret is out there for anyone (and everyone) to see

Cut and paste
Doodle
Even if nothing comes of it
Where I am right now
Is where I shall be
And I will be OK with that

I can be as new age-y as I feel like
And no one can stop me

A different take on the identity crisis

I wish someone had told me...

How hard this teaching thing was going to be, before I dove into the pool head first

How harsh Minnesota winters could be

I don't (and probably never will) have all of the answers

And that was OK

How hard it is to get up and go to a group of strangers that all seem to enjoy writing

That these earrings do not go with this outfit, that there is rip in the back of these jeans, and that I really don't belong here

How much I ramble so I don't end up rambling the night away

What was in the punch

That orange is not the new pink

I wish someone would let me know their name, once in a while.

That children have a mind of their own sometimes (OK, all the time.)

I wish someone had told me at least once that I was smart.

I wish someone told me (at least once) that I was pretty...instead of saying that looks aren't important.

That I can be strong and tactful at the same time, that I can make friends at the same time I make enemies, and that I don't need a group of "Friends" to validate my very existence.

That money doesn't grow on a tree in my backyard and that digging to China is harder than it looks.

That San Francisco is more than 1,000 miles away.

I wish someone had told me that I was over 1,000 miles away from home and I would never, ever, need any help.

I wish someone had told me how to survive.

Identity crisis of EPIC proportions

It was a disaster
My milk is two days old
And I knew no one

I walked back to my car alone
To drive back to my house
That I rent from the guy who was supposed to show up

That sounds different than the way it is supposed to
I’m not involved
With anyone in any way

I loved listening to stories from staff
Meeting people I haven’t met before
Still I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t supposed to be there

I don’t belong
To anyone
Not even myself

The giraffe with poor self-esteem: A Limerick, of sorts

There once was a giraffe named Jack
Who had to hide is desires out back
He went far away
And did not come to play
Until he was painted black

The interview vampire

The interview vampires
Are the voices in my head
That tell me to go away
And go to sleep for a thousand years

They tell me that you will never get a job
That I will never have the experience
Needed to succeed
The interview vampires take over

Mostly at night
Right before I drift off to sleep
They keep me from drifting to sleep
The interview vampires are real

Every twenty-something
Has experience the wrath of
The interview vampires at
Some time or another

The interview vampires don't wear black
They don't suck blood
And they don't have fangs
They are very real, however

In my mind, the interview vampires
Take the form of an older man
Dressed in a three piece suit with tie
He smells of sharp cologne

The interview vampire
Fights a nasty fight
With pictures and words
And profanity

"What makes you feel that you can handle
A room full of pre-pubescent human beings?"
By yourself
Alone

"Why do you think you deserve a benefits package and a retirement plan?"
Two years of national service
Doesn't count
Inside the mind of the interview vampire.

The interview vampire
Will make you believe
That you are fully capable
Of nothing more than losing your mind.

The interview vampire
Will grab hold of your
Sanity
And hang on

For dear life

Ode to Unemployment

Unemployment oh how you doth protest
I have a love and hate relationship with you
On one hand
I have so much time
On the other
I have no money
I have no purpose
Should I...
Canoe?
Write?
Draw?
Make music?
Or should I just...
Watch another This American Life re-run?
Or Mad Men episode?
Have you discovered Hulu?
I hope not
Because it could be dangerous during your months of unemployment
I really should...
Send out yet another
Resume
Cover letter
Mission statement
Letter of purpose
Life statement
Contemplate my self worth
Let's not
I'd rather not
I'd rather join a gym
Take a YOGA class
Go for a run
Or maybe just a walk
Let's see how long before anyone notices
I'm not paying them back
I'm not paying my rent
Or bills
Or dropping off the face of the earth
Unemployment is fun
It's a quest for new opportunity
Or some other bullshit line
They are feeding you kids now
I'll shut up now
This is my ode to unemployment

Lies and the Future of Joey Kid

If you can hear me
Clap once
Touch your nose
Clap twice
Touch your toes

If you can hear me
Wiggle your fingers
Clap once
And place your hands in your lap
Then listen to me

Lies
All lies

My hands say I need to wash them
My feet say I need rest
My arms say I need to workout more
So does my stomach, for that matter

My head thanks me
For taking my medication today
My mouth tells me I need
Water
Maybe a beer too
Maybe

Virtual batteries
Need to be recharged
Daily
Momentarily

If you can hear me
Clap once
Touch your nose
Clap twice
Touch your toes

If you can hear me
Wiggle your fingers
Clap once
And place your hands in your lap
Then listen to me

We say these things that don't mean anything
But children seem to listen to us
They seem to trust us
I know I did
This is my past and future
This is your future, kid
If you can't listen now, you will never be able to

Get into high school
Get good grades
Get into college
Get a job
Settle down
Find a wife or partner or husband
Be successful
Be kind

You are a failure in first grade
If you don't respond to:

If you can hear me
Clap once
Touch your nose
Clap twice
Touch your toes

If you can hear me
Wiggle your fingers
Clap once
And place your hands in your lap
Then listen to me


Why should I?
Give me one good reason.
Because I said so.
Why should you say so?
Because I'm an adult?
Question mark.
End of discussion.
End of future.

FRIDAY

Enduring minutes

Saturday’s promise beckons

Patient as a cloud


(Mom felt a little left out, so she composed a haiku of her own, claiming it had been 40 years since she's written any poetry at all. Pretty good for someone who claims to be that rusty, no?)

What's for lunch?

What's for lunch?
Sadie asked
One hot bright southern summer day
I really want to know

We waited in line
The sun baked down to cook our necks
Until we were given
The all clear to go

In the doors and through the line
Of the camp cafeteria line
"Taco Stew"
Said head cook Janet

Ewwwww! I heard a couple of girls shriek
Why the sour face?
Taco stew melts on your plate
Satisfies until it melts in your tummy

The idea behind a good taco stew is to stir it all around
I learned this from an experienced girl scout
Who probably wrote a book on it
You stir and you stir
Until you can no longer tell the difference between

The beef and
the beans
the cheese and the
sour cream
the salsa and tomatoes
the olives
lettuce
and
potatoes

Soft or hard shell, why that's all up to you
Just specify when you give your order
To the chef
Behind the buffet

The secret is really no secret at all
It mushes together into one yummy paste
Until you get one spectacular taste

There is just one kink in the plan
The mixture leaves you stuffed full to the brim
You better not sink when you go to swim
Lethargy takes over in the sun
After lunch and turtle time
You are pretty much done

Oh tacos how you satisfy
One last time
Always expect good things
From a taco lunch
At camp

Dare I try a rhyming one? I dig back into the vault a few years...

Today I feel happy
I'm finished the say
With this experience
I shall be on my way

How frightened I feel
But excited as well
To begin a new life
At the ring of a bell

So many emotions passed
Through me this week
The mere thought of leaving
Sent a tear down my cheek

The time I spent here
Has taught me so much
I've come to love
Each person as such

You've been so supportive
SO helpful, so kind
When I think of all you've done for me
Why, it just blows my mind!

My questions were answered
All concerns were addressed
You're so easy to talk to
Why be depressed?

Above and beyond
The call of duty you went
In helping me figure things out
Believe me when I say, "It was time well spent!"

Remember week one? Seems like history now
Surroundings so new; I entered the room eager to learn
It became quickly clear how much fun this class is
As I watched and I helped, awaiting my turn

Week two got me thinking:
"How many bathroom breaks must they take?"
While tying dozens of shoes with my own bladder expanding
Stumbling reading and calendar-ing as if crossing a lake

Playing a name game is great fun
As I learned during week three
Adding phonics and spelling to my already-full plate
Thinking ahead, worried, the future cloudy

Teaching math during week four was my favorite I found
While agonizing each scrupulous detail
Discovering quickly just how hard this job is
My body and voice about to fail

Could it be? Yes, week five is really half way!
"I hardly know anything about anything!"
"I can't believe I'm here!" I repeatedly say
Reminding me each morning is another day

Plans are easier; I'm sketching my way through week six
Teaching the morning and all afternoon
Transitions and behavior send me running for cover
As I think about being alone in the room

Flying solo weeks seven and eight
Sent me nose-diving through reading groups
Small group work proves difficult to date
And seeing my progress was not easy

"Set expectations!" I told myself for week nine
"I am in charge!" So easy to say yet hard to believe
"Think of how far you've come now"
But still having trouble with this thing called achieve

Has week ten come already? No it can't be
I'm finding I really like being in charge
But need more time to work through some stuff
Has my ambition become too large?

Surely no, as you cooperatively agree
A few days off are just what I need
I come back for week eleven to help and to teach
And magnets are fun for all, indeed

A field trip and such thrown into the mix
Week twelve brings some things in myself I must fix
I am getting better and expecting listening ears
And quieting many, many, MANY fears

And so I must leave now
This is getting rather long
I am quite tired
Of finding rhymes for this song

I will always remember you and and your class
As my first adventure, it has just been a blast!
22 and the Princess just made my every day
I hope that these memories will forever last.