Monday, July 27, 2009

Future Tense

This morning I awoke early in my bed

My ever-vigilant alarm was set to erupt

Forty-five minutes ticking down

The clouds were having an early morning party

Toasting to the humidity, no doubt

The first real time they had done so this summer

The rain poured down and all I could do was smile

Wide awake, grateful for the moment


Serenity only maintained briefly

Perhaps five minutes

At most ten

And soon I started to drift away

The reliable alarm on my phone danced in my head

I could no longer relax while I counted the minutes

Dreading the siren, awaiting what was to come



Last week I had the distinct honor of watching my niece

She warms my heart like the sun only dreams it could

I stretch smiles for hours after being with her

She makes me want to love like I only have one day to live


I dwelled in those moments with her, just the two of us

I tunneled away from the thoughts of past mistakes

Of adventures and heartbreaks to come

We ran through sprinklers while screaming

We battled with her Transformers toys

We watched Cars for the fifteenth time, reciting all the lines

She fell asleep twenty minutes before her parents came home

I kissed her forehead goodnight while I tucked her in


The rest of the week?

Instead of taking those lessons my niece had taught me

I worried about graduate school

I pondered over and over about the research I was working on

I did not taste food that week, so anxious for Fall Semester

I drove mindlessly as I thought of having to write this poem

My surroundings failed to register while I biked and walked

I was not conscious of the conversations I held

So lost inside my head and what I thought would happen tomorrow

Could happen

Never will happen



We spend hours upon hours daydreaming of the future

We adore it more than our partners

Dedicate more time to it than our families and our friends

More in love with future promises than our own lives



I wrote a letter to the Future

All it said was:


Fuck You,

Sincerely,

Alex


P.S. I am in the process of getting a restraining order

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